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December 2014

the-unicorn-haiz:

When looking at the tags of The Amatonormativity Post, you’ll find a lot of people admitting that they do indeed wish they weren’t aro sometimes, or that they constantly battle the internalized belief that they are worthless or will die alone. There has been ONE person adding tags that finding out they were aro was a relief.

It’s so messed up. It is so horrendously messed up. When it comes to asexuality, you’ll have a horde of people talking about what a relief it was. Of course not everyone, and sometimes it’s a little mixed up - but most people will get the idea that being ace is Okay. You may be ace, it may be shitty at times, but be assured that there are a lot of people like you, and it’s gonna be fine.

You don’t really get that reassurance with aromanticism. The times it were mentioned, it was often as an addition to an explanation on asexuality. Nobody really tells you being aromantic is okay. You just find out you Might Be It. And with that comes a sort of, well, despair that oh no you might actually never fall in love and you might never find meaning in life, because you had hoped, maybe you had hoped it was impossible, but it is possible and it might be you.

Finding out I was ace was a bit of a process, but I did in the end feel relief that I didn’t have to change who I was. The aro thing? I wasn’t very specific about my romantic orientation for a long time, I was mostly in the “eeeeeeeh probably aro but who knows” zone. Like, I knew I was aro. To be fair I’m probably more aro than I am ace. But I was so scared to really set it in stone, because I went around hoping maybe I’m Not That Aro after all.

Becoming comfortable with my aro identity took a lot more work than my ace identity. I told myself many times, and still do, that it’s okay to be aro. But you know what? YOU should tell me it’s okay to be aro. Stop telling people they have to wait for The Right One. Start telling people it’s okay if they never fall in love, or not want to be in love. That would make a world of difference.


(And now, a disclaimer: I’m only speaking through my own experiences and observations, so this might be a little generalized. Also apparently necessary disclaimer: LGB people experience a lot of the same feelings, because LGB people are taught their feelings are disgusting and that they’ll never find happiness, plus homophobia is scary and brutal as heck, so I can imagine finding out you’re gay, bi or pan isn’t always a relief either, and also often a process of self-acceptance. That said, we share a lot of the same experiences and battles, so if you think ace and aro people don’t belong in the mogai community, you’re being a closeminded gatekeeper and nobody likes that. Amatonormativity and heteronormativity is often intertwined and it is possible to fight both. Together. Also obligatory reminder that gay/bi/pan aromantics exist.)

Dec 13, 2014 344 notes
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